Rewriting the Code
As I enter the final 48 hours of my freshman year, I got a chance to look back on my accomplishments over this past year. In truth, the growing that I have done could be told over hours and hours of stories. The easiest way to explain it, however, would be to show how and why I rewrote my code of ethics.
Let’s first look at my original code, the first 4 bullets written in 2008 and the second 4 bullets in the summer of 2010:
1. Treat me as your equal and I will treat you as my superior. Treat me as your subordinate and I will treat you as mine.
2. Respect should only be given to those who do not abuse their power.
3. Live Life, Live It Hard, Let Nothing Stand In Your Way.
4. Failure is not taking advantage of every opportunity that comes your way.
5. At the end of the day, it matters not what you can say about yourself. What matters at the end of the day is what others will say about you when they are not in your presence.
6. A simple task is not always an easy one.
7. One reason you despise the flaws in others is because you yourself possess them.
8. You accomplishments are better received when voiced by someone other than you.
OK Let’s work through these
1 & 2 were written when I was 15. They came from the voice of a scared referee who needed some backing. I didn’t like the idea of not getting respect from others, so I made caveats to make sure I didn’t give anybody respect that didn’t give it to me first. In hindsight, not the best plan of attack. But at the time I wrote it, I can say I felt very strongly about those first two bullets.
Number 3 Comes from an email I once sent that year. Michael Taylor, my then assistant principal, had sent me an email with a link to a Chuck Norris video. The video was to point out that everyone has limits. I didn’t really care for that message, so I responded with one line: Live Life, Live It Hard, Let Nothing Stand In Your Way. It later became bullet #3
Number 4 , Like 1 & 2, were always in a way indirect statements at my parents. As I mentioned earlier, I wanted more respect than I probably deserved growing up, which is where 1 & 2 came from. Number 4 was drawn from the idea that I wanted to engage in extracurriculars like music, refereeing and student government more than I wanted to engage in academics. Being the stubborn kid I was, I tended to butt heads with my folks on the topic. Number 4 was my way of justifying to myself to keep going with extracurriculars. I looked at each activity as an opportunity to further my network of connections, and I gripped very tight to that idea.
The first 4 were the only component for the first few years, at which point I started getting a little wiser with the help of an incredible individual…
Summer in between junior and senior year my list got some help by a man known as Paul Corn. Paul is an assistant principal in Staten Island, as well as an incredible sax player and someone with a lot of heart if you can see through his outer layer. Paul took interest in building my character and it showed through where my code developed. #5 and #8 were really just cute ways of saying that I needed to close my mouth a little more often, but I didn’t exactly feel comfortable telling myself that just yet. Luckily now I do.
#5 through #8 were all written in that summer, and they were all written after I had conversations with Mr. Corn. Paul is the epitome of a mentor. He treated me in the only way I knew how to learn, by drilling lessons into me until they stuck. It took a few years, but he was the first person who made me start to think about my character and how my actions impacted those around me.
Nonetheless, I still had a lot of work to do, and unfortunately I didn’t realize that I had a lot of work to do. Fast forward a year to the start of my freshman year. I spent my first semester making connections, but also alienating myself in a way. I knew that I needed self-awareness, but I didn’t act on that need. Such a failure came back to hit me hard. Carnegie Mellon is simply not the place to be cocky, not when everyone around you is just as smart if not smarter than you.
I met some incredible people at this university, people that saw who I was on the inside and saw the potential for me to show others that I actually was a decent person on the inside. In the beginning of my second semester I scrapped my code of ethics and started over. The trick was not necessarily acting on these ethics instantly, but understanding their importance and letting life take its course.
Here is my new code:
1. No list as important as this can last a lifetime without constant change.
2. Live every moment as if your mentor was standing right behind you. Someday your next mentor will be…
3. It’s a small world out there…
4. People will find out about you whether you tell them or not. You won’t find out about them unless you listen at every opportunity.
5. You have two ears and two eyes but only one mouth. Use them proportionally as they were given to you.
I kicked it off by recognizing the fact of how outdated my old code had become. As a scared teenager, I needed that old code. I needed to make it clear that these ethics are made to drive my life in a better path, which means they would be ever changing.
Number 2 is derived from the fact that there are people in this world that I never want to disappoint. I call them my mentors only because I can’t think of anything else to call them. They keep me in check and build my character. I am in there greatest debts. One of the first things I did when I started rewriting this list was create a reminder to live each day like Mark Bayer was right behind me. Mark Bayer was another assistant principal ( I don’t know why that happened that the only mentors i’ve mentioned so far are assistant principals, just go with it) who I gave more respect to than anyone else on this earth during my later years in high school. So every day of second semester, at 9am, I got a notification from my phone to live the day like Mark Bayer was right behind me. I would be lying if I said it didn’t help.
There are always those who we want to impress. So if we act like they are right behind us, we are simply better people. And thus Number 2 came to be.
Number 3 came from my troubles at Carnegie Mellon. It started to occur to me that even in a campus with thousands of people, It seemed to be very easy to make a name for myself, for better or worse. Relating back to number 2, this was a way of making sure I took every interaction and made a good impression. Thinking through it, it seems a little redundant. But I like it anyway.
Number 4 and 5 are my way of telling myself to just shut the hell up once in a while. Now that doesn’t mean that I won’t voice my opinions when necessary but I did tend to be the kind of person who voiced any opinion that I had, and It didn’t always put me into best light. It goes back to the lessons Mr. Corn had tried to instill in me, but it took a while to sink in. I still have a ton of work to do in this category, but at least I’m making progress.
It’s been a long year. I have met some incredible people that have pushed me to better my character, just as my mentors did in the past.
I love this place, even if my brother calls it Watermellon University. I would never want to be anywhere else. And the best part is I’ve only just begun.
Thanks for reading.